Little Thief
by Princess Shania
Summary: It comes to Nori's attention that Bilbo is a terrible thief. He decides to teach him..using the other Company members as targets! Takes place after the Carrock. Reviews welcome! Updated to include Bilbo stealing from Nori! And now Dwalin!
1. The Company

Small, quiet, unnoticeable and unassuming. Made fairly decent qualifications for a burglar if Nori was to be honest with himself. The fact still remained, however, that Bilbo Baggins didn't have a thieving bone in his little soft body. Out of the interest of the quest, Nori knew what he had to do. One evening after they made camp, Nori followed the little one to where he was laying his pack down. Sensing him, Bilbo turned and offered him a little smile, and asked if he needed help.

"I don't, but you do." Nori said.

"I do?" Bilbo hoped he wouldn't start yakking about sword-fighting and what-have-you. Fili and Kili were still sore about what happened last Wednesday.

"Aye. You," Nori looked their burglar in the eye, "are no thief. I am gonna help you learn."

Bilbo longed to tell Nori he had no need, but he knew he was hired as a burglar and he also knew he didn't know how to steal. "Very well." he conceded, feeling sure his father was spinning in his grave.

Nori grinned and slammed a hand onto his back. "Great!"

* * *

><p>"Now, you don't want to be too obvious." Nori explained in a whisper. They were at the back of the group and Bilbo was only too aware that Dori kept giving them suspicious glances. Several metres in front of them walked Nori's elder brother along with Oin. Neither could hear them, but Dori's looks made the Hobbit feel uneasy.<p>

"Right." Bilbo mumbled.

"You have to be quiet on your feet and steady, for the last thing you want is the person you're trying to thieve off to turn around and catch you."

"I know."

"So, I know you Halflings are quiet and light on your feet. So, what you, Master Baggins, have to do, is try _not _to look _guilty_."

"It's all very well for you to say, Master Ri."

"I have had more practice." Nori acknowledged. "Just pretend like you're not doing anything bad."

"How can I get practice in?"

"Look around you. You're surrounded by Dwarves to steal things from."

Bilbo gazed horrified at the Dwarf. "I can't _steal_ from _them_!"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm travelling with them!"

"So am I."

"Nori, you _haven't.._."

"Only to keep my skills sharp." Nori defended. "Now, enough worrying. When we stop next, go to the nearest Dwarf and attempt to take something."

"What if the nearest Dwarf is Dwalin?"

"Good point," Nori said. "You'd best start with easy targets I suppose. Go to one of the doddery ones, like Oin. He might be deaf, but he sleeps like a cat."

"But I like Oin."

"Don't worry. He'll think he's lost whatever and then you come in and give him it back. He'll be grateful to you."

Seeing no way out of it, Bilbo nodded. "Fine." His father was most certainly spinning.

* * *

><p>The silver-haired healer stirred in his sleep. Bilbo couldn't believe he was actually going to do this. This was awful, this was despicable. As it was, he was now crouching by the Dwarf, hand hovering over the golden ear horn, facing the other (thankfully all sleeping) members of the Company, praying that Gandalf (who was on watch) would not turn and see what he was about to do.<p>

_'He sleeps like a cat'._ Blasted Dwarf.

He felt eyes burning at him and looked up, anxious that it was Dwalin or, even worse, Thorin, glaring at him for stealing from a companion, especially gentle old Oin. It wasn't. It was Nori, who gave him a little nod as if to say _'don't give up now'._  
>Something Tookish agreed with this and suddenly the horn was in his hands He placed it not near his bedroll, but between Oin's and the large tree that occupied the forestry they slept in. He could make out Nori's pleased smile and felt his thudding heart slow. That wasn't so bad.<p>

"WHERE is MY TRUMPET?!" Oin's loud question echoed around the forest.

"Oh, brother, not again." Gloin muttered. "WHERE did you LEAVE it LAST NIGHT?"

"MY SIDE!" Oin bellowed. "SOME BASTARD HAS STOLEN IT!"

Thorin sighed at the two. "Everyone look for Oin's trumpet." he commanded.

Gandalf looked straight at Bilbo, who felt nervous, but tried his best to look as though he didn't know anything of the disappearance. Gandalf wasn't fooled and Bilbo felt sure the wizard would state what he'd done, when suddenly the grey-robed Wizard smiled, almost proudly and went along to search too.

Well. This was good.

Bilbo found the trumpet by its hiding place and tapped the healer on the shoulder, who then beamed at his aid and proceeded to loudly thank him, before turning back to his bedroll.

"Very good." Nori praised. "Not bad. Didn't even look that guilty!"

"I feel terrible."

"Hey, he got his trumpet back. Just think of it as a..."

"Game?" Bilbo guessed.

"Yes!" Nori threw an arm around his shoulders. "Exactly that. Now, your next task I think should be young Ori."

"Your own little brother?"

"Yes. He sleeps deeper, but he's quite good at sensing if there's someone by him. Bloody good hearing too."

Bilbo sighed, though he couldn't deny a part of him found this new task to be a thrilling idea indeed.

* * *

><p>At Dori's insistence, Ori always took his scarf off before bed. In fact, at Dori's insistence, <em>anyone <em>with a scarf had to take it off before bed. He stepped closer to the auburn-haired Dwarrow and once again, crouched down. His fingers closed over the soft wool and he stood up, careful not to wake the Dwarf, when suddenly the other end of the article swung down and softly brushed over the scribe's face, coaxing a giggle from the slumbering Dwarf. Bilbo froze, but still little Ori slept on. He internally sighed with relief. Thank Yavanna. He wondered where to put it and spied a tree. An amusing plan came blossomed and the Halfling stepped closer to it, the soft creation still bundled in his arms.

"Dori, I can't find my scarf." Ori said the next morning.

"Oh, lad." Dori said, shaking his head. "I _told _you to be careful with it! Where did you put it?"

"On my bag." Ori mournfully replied.

"Here," said Gloin, gazing up at the tree in amazement. "Isn't that your scarf up there, young Ori?"

Ori stared, open-mouthed. "It is! How did it get up there?!"

"How indeed." Thorin voiced, looking at the branch, the scarf dangling like a bizarre ornament.

Gandalf shrugged. "Perhaps there was wind at some point last night."

"I was on watch last night." Kili said. "And I didn't feel so much as a breeze."

"It doesn't matter." Ori piped up as Dori wrapped the scarf around his neck. "I'd best put it _in _ my bag from now on, I think."

"You did well." Nori told Bilbo.

"Did Ori make that scarf?"

"No, our mother did."

Bilbo bit his lip. He knew their mother had passed some time ago. "I'm sorry.."

"Don't. Really. It's hard to damage, that scarf is. Probably'll outlive us all. Right, next victim-"

"Do you have to say 'victim'?" Bilbo groaned.

Nori ignored this. "-will be dear Balin. Who sleeps deeper than a hibernating Troll, yet will gladly slice through anyone he deems as a threat."

Just how his life had gotten to the point he was now stealing from the loveliest Dwarves he'd ever known (not that there had been many), Bilbo couldn't even begin to guess.

* * *

><p>Balin was, indeed a deep sleeper. In the dying light of the fire, Bilbo could see the Dwarf's spectacles, which he wore on a string round his neck in the day and took off at night. They were his target, but were nestled in his bag underneath the white-haired Dwarrow's head. This wasn't going to be easy. He slid his hand into the pack, feeling cold glass and slowly began drawing them out, grimacing every time the Dwarf breathed. Finally the glasses were free. Where to put them? He looked around and then saw Bofur, who was sleeping peacefully. His hat was still on his head and another amusing idea was born.<p>

"Alright, boys, who stole my glasses? Own up now, I won't be angry."

"Someone stole your spectacles?" Nori asked.

"Aye. I'm not angry, now, just a tad annoyed."

"Aren't they in your pack?" Thorin asked.

"No. If they were, I'd have found them by now."

Thorin looked at the rest of the Company and then his eyes fell on Bofur. "Master Ur. What are those on your hat?"

"My hat?" Bofur repeated. "Why, fur I believe, Thorin."

Thorin strode forward and plucked the spectacles off the hat. "You shouldn't play jokes like this. All very amusing, I'm sure, but you should start acting more like an adult."

Bofur sputtered. "I didn't take them! Have I taken things before, my king?"

"No." Thorin admitted.

"I am no liar, Master Oakenshield. I never took them."

"My apologies."

Bofur smiled, never one to bear a grudge. "It's alright."

"Fancy framing poor Bofur!" Nori mock-scolded. He laughed at the expression of the Hobbit. "You're doing well, Bilbo. I'm proud."

"Thank you."

"See, it's not all that hard. But we are now upping the game. Your next target will be Bombur."

Bofur was going to skin him, if he caught him. That was how the game was upped, Bilbo knew. Bofur's protectiveness of his younger brother was legendary.

* * *

><p>Bofur slept closely to Bombur. They always had done, ever since Bombur was a newborn Dwarfling. Bilbo saw one of Bombur's black mixing spoons shining in the moonlight. It was clenched tightly in the bejowled Dwarf's plump hand which had the wrist held by his elder brother. He crept closer. Slowly extracting it from the Dwarf's limp hold was simple, but a loud coughing unexpectedly filled the air. Bilbo dove for his bedroll, hastily covering himself with the blanket, hoping and praying that no one would see that he'd been out of his bedroll, that Bombur wouldn't realize that his spoon was now gone. Thankfully, the Dwarf didn't awaken. Bilbo placed it at the Dwarf's feet and lay back down for the rest of the night. He could make out Nori's mutinous little smile from where he lay.<p>

"Bofur, my spoon is gone."

"Dear Mahal." Bofur shook his head. "Why are all of our brothers losing things? Master Dwalin will probably be next."

Nori looked thoughtful. Bilbo glared at Bofur, though the hatted Dwarrow didn't see. Cursed Dwarf.

"T'is by your bedroll, Bombur." Gandalf pointed.

"Ah." Bombur picked up the spoon, smiling. "Thank you, Gandalf."

"Nearly got caught last night." Nori teased.

"Thanks to you." Bilbo elbowed the Dwarf. "You are awful."

"Have to have the experience." Nori shrugged. "Now, though setting you on Dwalin was tempting, I am not that cruel. No. Your next source of talent-gaining shall be my dear older brother."

* * *

><p>Should he get caught, Bilbo knew that Dori would have no qualms about dealing with it on the spot. He didn't wish to know how Dori dealt with things, nor did he wish to be one of those who got punished by the eldest Ri brother. There was a good reason Nori tried to stay out of annoying Dori. Well, usually he did. Sometimes.<p>

He spied a pouch of Dori's tobacco, the stuff the three brothers coveted, though it looked and smelled and was vile. It was unfortunate that the only way he could reach it was by leaning right over him. He was close, so close...when Dori's eyes opened. They blinked at each other for some time, before Bilbo blurted out "I had a bad dream. Wargs.. Orcs and.. _fire. _ It was awful."

"Oh, dear." Dori's face creased in sympathy and he pulled the Shireling close, so that Bilbo was lying on top of him, held tightly in Dori's protecting arms. "What happened?"

At least he could get lying practice in.

"That didn't go according to plan, did it?" Nori said, later that day.

"Actually," Bilbo held up the pouch. "It did."

Nori took the pouch, grinning. "I'm impressed, Master Bilbo. Think you could handle Kili tonight?"

* * *

><p>The youngest heir of Durin slept like an old bear deep in hibernation. The fact that he slept entangled in his brother's arms made Bilbo's task difficult. He saw Kili's bag spare clasp sitting by his brother's head and picked it up, careful of the metallic objects inside. Then he saw Fili's comb.<p>

_'Why not kill two birds with one stone?' _he decided.

"Alright!" Fili roared. "What _tree-shagger_ has _stolen_ my _comb_?"

"Fili, Uncle Thorin, someone has stolen my spare hair clasps!" Kili yowled, tugging on his despairing uncle's arm.

Thorin began massaging his forehead. "I don't know what's gotten into everyone! You're all misplacing your items and behaving idiotically! I swear to Durin..."

"Why is my comb in your boot?" Fili angrily asked Kili.

"What?!" Kili sprinted to his brother's boots and drew out his little bag from the left boot.

"You must have put them there yourselves." Thorin said, sounding annoyed.

"We didn't!"

As Fili, Kili and Thorin argued, Nori touched Bilbo's arm, grinning maniacally. "Good touch , that. Next one is Bifur."

Bilbo could hardly wait.

* * *

><p>Bifur slept close to Bofur. He was as, if not, more protective of his younger cousins than Bofur was of Bombur. Bilbo looked down at the non-Westron speaker and wondered what to take. Bifur coveted his pipe, he knew. Which was currently in Bifur's mouth. He felt terrified as he worked it out. Bifur was surprisingly more tender-hearted than he looked, but he would be <em>pissed <em>if he woke up and saw what Bilbo was doing. Luckily, the Dwarf slept on.

"Oh, not you too, Bifur!" Bofur moaned.

Bifur gave his younger kin an unhappy look and continued his signing and speaking.

"He's lost his bloody pipe." Bofur explained to the others, before speaking the Khuz-Dul back, asking just where the pipe had last been.

"It's in there." Bombur pointed at Bifur's pack. The Dwarf walked over to peer at his pack and nodded, gently patting Bofur's shoulder as if to say the panic was over.

_"Gloin." _Nori mouthed.

A challenge indeed.

* * *

><p>The Dwarf's adoration of his wife and son was well-known to all. Bilbo knew he had a locket that he carried with him and it was fiddly to unclasp it and very hard to take it quickly too. When it was done, he caught sight of Dwalin and the Tookish side of him told him, begged him to do something amusing, but incredibly dangerous.<p>

"Oin? Brother, did you take that picture I have of Gimli and Neoma?"

"No."

"Hmm. I had it last night. Thorin, have you seen...Dwalin!"

"What?" Dwalin bellowed back.

"Might I have my portraits back?"

"What?"

"I SAID," Gloin shouted "MIGHT I HAVE MY PORTRAITS BACK?"

Dwalin blinked at the silver locket lying by his bedroll. "Odd, that." he muttered before throwing it at the red-haired Dwarf. "Catch!"

Nori looked almost longingly at Dwalin, but shook his head. He wondered who else to set Bilbo on. He smiled as Bofur passed and then looked from the toymaker to Bilbo. Bilbo nodded.

* * *

><p>Bofur was one of his most favourite people in the Company despite his tendency to tell tales of such detail and gore even Thorin groaned once. Still, now that Nori had told him he needed practice in stealing, which he did, he couldn't back off just because he liked Bofur so much. That wouldn't do at all.<p>

The hat had to be the object of his thievery. It just couldn't be anything else. It was simple to take it. Just had to be careful of Bifur. Yes. He already knew the perfect place to put it.

"Oh, Master Gloin, please take off my hat."

"I don't know how it got there."

"It's alright." Bofur tried to soothe. "It's a fine hat, but, all of you, now, ask before borrowing if you don't mind. Thank you, Gloin."

"Don't know how the bugger got there, lad." Gloin said, furrowing his brows. "No idea."

"No worries." Bofur smiled.

"Are you ready for your biggest challenge yet?" Nori whispered.

"Yes." Bilbo breathed back.

"Your next target," Nori purred, "is our illustrious leader, who is still in the throes of adoration after you saved his hide from the Defiler."

* * *

><p><em>'Throes of adoration'. <em>Ridiculous Dwarf. His eye was on Thorin's ring. Undoubtedly, Thorin would be livid. But somehow, he wasn't afraid. He knew Thorin wouldn't kill him or maim him at any rate. Perhaps he'd get away with this too. He hoped so.  
>The thick, chunky ring was heavy in his palm. It was warm from Thorin's, frankly gigantic, hand and he shivered at the radiating heat. He knelt by Thorin's head and threaded the ring into one of the braids the exiled king wore. At least it wouldn't get lost.<p>

"Who stole my ring?!"

"Oh, uncle," Kili batted his eyelashes in a show of mock-shock. "You must have lost it! Oh, we're all getting more and more idiotic-"

"Shh!" Fili warned, gazing at his uncle's fearful stare.

"When I find out who did this, I will have them _flogged_." Thorin vowed.

"Even if _Ori_ did it?" Kili asked, making the young scribe squeak.

"Yes."

"Ori would do no such thing." Dori said, pulling his little brother close.

"Even if..." Kili looked around. His eyes fell on Bilbo. "-if Bilbo did it?"

"Do you honestly think he would?" Nori asked lazily. "Come on, Kili..."

"You're right. What about if-"

"That's enough now, lad." Balin said. "Thorin, what is that you've got in your hair?"

Thorin felt through the strands and sighed. "_There _it is." he murmured. "It has never been _there _before." he then defended at his nephew's look.

Bilbo knew who had to be next.

* * *

><p>Dwalin was a light sleeper, a deadly warrior and had a temper like a Whizpopper. Bilbo didn't like to think of what would happen should he get caught. He was aiming for the warrior's knuckle-dusters this time and had just touched one, when Dwalin's hand wrapped itself around his wrist, making him freeze instantly. Behind him, a deep voice rumbled. "Hello, little thief."<p>

Nori stared horror-struck as Bilbo's wrist was captured by Dwalin and gulped as Thorin greeted their Halfling in an all too casual manner. His sudden movement as he stood awoke Ori and then Dori.

"What're you doing, Nori?" Dori asked wearily.

"Go back to sleep." Nori hissed as he walked over towards the other three Dwarves. "Thorin!"

"Can I help you, Master Ri?"

"Look, this...it's not his fault." Nori swallowed. "I was teaching him how to steal.."

"You _what_?!" Dori's horrified voice echoed around the clearing, waking most of the Company.

"He didn't know how to thieve, so I helped him."

"So," Dwalin said. "You two," he pointed at Bilbo and Nori, "are the reasons that various things have gone missing."

"We had _one _innocent member!" Dori raged. "One innocent, polite little thing who _isn't _Ori and you _ruined _him!"

"I was helping him!" Nori shot back

"Some fine bloody help..." Dori muttered.

"Please don't... don't hurt him. Do whatever you want to _me_, but it's not _his_ fault."

"You certainly taught him well." Thorin said, twisting his ring around. "Not many have gotten this close to stealing from Dwalin."

"Or you." Dwalin retorted, releasing Bilbo.

Thorin smiled slightly. "The pair of you are collecting the firewood for the rest of the week."

Well, that could've been worse.

"Don't stop your teachings, Nori." Thorin told him. "They are invaluable."

"Go back to your bedrolls."

Nori tugged Bilbo into his arms. "You're making a brilliant thief." he mumbled into Bilbo's coppery curls.

Bilbo smiled, hugging Nori tightly. "I have a good teacher."

* * *

><p><strong>There aren't enough fics with Nori and Bilbo. I'm not complaining about the others, of course, but there's a rare few out there. So I made one! Hope it made sense and was enjoyed!<strong>

**Love from Shania. xx**


	2. Nori

**Little Thief was surprisingly well-received. Six reviews! Most of which asked for a scene in which Bilbo tries to steal from Nori. The fun and games shall commence...now!**

* * *

><p>In the weeks since it had become known that their resident thief was teaching their appointed burglar to steal, the Company had learnt to simply to go to Bilbo to request their items back when they found them missing. Nori insisted his student keep his 'practice' up everyday to keep his skills sharp.<p>

One evening, having been sent back to his bedroll by an irate (but trying to hide it) Dwalin, after being discovered hovering over the warrior attempting to lift the knife kept under the Dwarf's pillow, Nori propped himself up on an elbow and whispered to him.

"Oy, Bilbo!"

"What?"

"If you can't steal from a lump like him-"

Dwalin growled.

"-How do you expect to steal from a Dragon?"

"Well, how would you do it, then?" Bilbo hissed.

"A good magician never reveals his secrets."

"Neither does a good crook."

Nori threw an acorn at him. "Watch it! I'm not a crook, I'm a professional thief. I don't cheat people out of their money, I _relieve_ it from them."

"A better way, I'm sure."

Nori sighed loudly, earning a mutter from Dori. "I worry about you, Master Baggins."

"Well, I worry about you too. All of you in fact. You don't hear me complaining, do you?"

Nori rolled his eyes and lay back down. "For Mahal's sake, work on your skills."

Bilbo narrowed his eyes and turned his back on the middle Ri brother. Oh, he'd work on his skills alright. He'd show Nori. It was a shame he couldn't use his Ring in front of them, but he didn't want to raise any suspicions and he only wanted to use it in emergency times anyway. He wasn't sure if it would _always _make him invisible either. Or for how long.

He'd definitely show Nori though.

* * *

><p>Walking along the next day (directly behind Dwalin out of convenience), Bilbo suddenly began thinking. He didn't have to take things in the dead of night while the rightful owners were still asleep. He <em>could<em> take things when their owners were pre-occupied scolding a pair of boisterous Dwarven princes...

On silent feet, he walked closer to the warrior, eyes set on the large ax that was strapped to Dwalin's back, courtesy of a long piece of leather that also housed a sword as well as several knives and daggers. The ax was his ideal prize, though anything would surely do. He reached out a shaking hand, fingers trembling as they edged towards the row of possible treasures.

"Honestly," Bilbo heard Dwalin grumble. "Those two!"

"Do you really think that wise?" Nori purred into Bilbo's ear. "Dwalin might be extremely annoyed..."

Ignoring both, Bilbo pressed on, freezing when Dwalin's voice broke the stillness in the air. "Burglar, if you don't find some other idiot to practice on, you'll regret it."

Bilbo snatched his hand away, internally sighing. Glancing at Dwalin's tense composure, he decided to stand behind Nori instead. The last thing he wanted to do was annoy the tattooed Dwarf any further.

It was half a mile later that Bilbo realised he'd never, not once, stolen from Nori. Now he stared at the Dwarf, wondering if he dared. Was thieving from the thief a line that should not be crossed or would Nori be pleased in some odd way?

The star-haired Dwarf never was an easy one to read.

* * *

><p>By the time they made camp for the night, Bilbo decided that he would try and steal from Nori. Just to see if he could. As silently as ever, he prowled towards the sleeping Nori, eyes darting for something to take. He could hear stirrings from the other Dwarfs as he edged closer. Nori had wanted to go to bed considerably early and while they had all followed his lead by now, most of the others clearly hadn't gone to sleep just yet.<p>

"I bet five pieces of silver he gets caught." Bilbo heard Gloin whisper.

"I bet ten he doesn't." Balin murmured.

"Deal."

"WHAT ARE YOU BETTING ON, LADS?" Oin's voice rang out, deafeningly loud in the relative silence.

Nori's eyes opened. They focused on Bilbo's and an understanding shone in them as his arm shot out and his hand gently wrapped itself around the Halfling's forearm. He was not angry, it seemed, though when he spoke, his voice carried a slight warning. "I wouldn't try and thieve from me, little one."

"But-"

"You'd be making a mistake. You think it's hard stealing from lard-arse over there?" Nori shook his head. "I'm a whole new level of difficulty."

It was clear as a bell. Bilbo would be a fool to even consider stealing from Nori. The thief eventually remembered he had to release him, said goodnight and went back to sleep. Bilbo looked at Nori's slumbering form for several moments and slowly came to realise something.

He was a fool.

He was not going to stop this latest attempt. Oh _no_.

This was _far_ too intriguing.

* * *

><p>Nori was beginning to regret his attempts at teaching their burglar thievery. The little bugger had decided that <em>he<em> would be a good target to steal from, and he found himself having to swat away curious hands that came too close to his pack or to catch an arm as it glided over his head in the dead of night.

Dori seemed to think it served his right and told him as much. Ori seemed to worry that it was upsetting him, despite Nori's many assurances that it wasn't upsetting him in the slightest. Slightly annoying, yes, but it wasn't _upsetting _him.

Bilbo was beginning to get impatient. How was it that he'd still yet to lift an item? Nori hadn't been lying, it seemed, when he'd told him it was difficult to steal from him.

More like impossible.

He was starting to despair, so that night when they made camp, having watched Fili and Kili wrestle with each other, an idea, a crazy, ridiculous idea sprang to mind without any warning.

Nori yelped in surprise as a small force threw itself into his side, making him topple over. Blinking up, he saw sharp green eyes and coppery curls before small fingers plucked his knife out of his breast pocket. Nori couldn't believe it.

He'd just been mugged by a Hobbit.

A _Hobbit_.

He lay on his back in mute shock for several moments as Bilbo climbed off of his body and let the fact sink in. Then, slowly, he got to his feet to face their burglar.

The joy he'd felt having finally taken something from Nori was short-lived as the Dwarf stood up and gave him a look that Bilbo had only seen Dori wear so far.

It was really quite unnerving.

"That," Nori said in a low voice. "Is not thieving. Thieving takes stealth and cunning, not attacking people while they are unaware. Mugging people is _not_ what we do."

"I'm sorry."

Nori offered a smile. "'Tis alright." He held out his hand for his knife.

"Are you hurt?" Bilbo asked.

Nori chuckled, placing his knife back in its rightful place. "Nah, I'm fine."

Bilbo accepted this with a nod. He'd just have to think of other ways.

* * *

><p>His chance at stealing from Nori did not come until several days later when the Company discovered a glittering blue lake. Kili pretended to push Ori in only to accidentally succeed which caused Nori to throw him in. Fili got annoyed and barged into Nori, throwing himself in in the process and Balin got pulled in when he went to extract Kili who was nearly drowning his poor brother as he tried to stay afloat which in turn enraged Dwalin to such an extent that Dori went over to make sure Nori or Ori didn't accidentally get walloped or anything. Balin wound up dragging his younger sibling in and Dori had to brave the cold waters to help Nori get a shivering Ori out.<p>

Bofur seemed to find the whole thing hysterical and hollered with laughter until an annoyed Dwalin sent a tidal wave his way, soaking him and his brother and cousin. This caused the toy-maker to run into the water, a scolding Bifur behind him, to get revenge. The water fight that followed was the stuff of legend from what Bilbo could see as he remained hidden safely behind Gandalf to avoid getting wet.

"STOP!" Thorin thundered.

There was immediate silence. Peering around the grey folds of Gandalf's robes, Bilbo had to bite back a laugh as he saw that Thorin had been completely drenched in the previous battle.

"I hope," the exiled king muttered, "that your childish little game was worth it. Kili, Fili, you're on watch, now, all of of you get out of the water and get dry."

And with that, he began shedding his clothes, causing Bilbo's eyes to widen. He allowed himself to glimpse a sight of a chiseled chest and dark, thick bodily hair, but then turned away, determined not to see too much.

That was when he saw them. Nori's drenched clothes sitting by him as the thief stood (wearing underclothes), combing his long hair. It was too perfect an opportunity. His feet not betraying his movement, he ran over to Nori's pile and scooped up the clothing before running a short way away from the star-haired Dwarrow.

Nori seemed to have suspected something, because he turned and raised an eyebrow as he saw their burglar holding his sodden clothing. "Give them back, little burglar."

"Shan't." These were words, that decades later, Bilbo would go on to Tookish streak for making him say, but right then, he didn't care.

Ori gasped. Dori stopped drying his younger brother's hair and fixed his eyes on Nori, a weary look on his face. Nori crossed his arms, a faintly amused look on his features.

Gloin was betting with the sons of Fundin that Nori would 'batter the Halfling if he didn't give back his things'.

Nori tutted. "Don't be stupid, I'm not going to _hurt_ him."

Ori relaxed. Dori gave a slight nod and continued drying Ori's hair, though his attention didn't waver from his younger sibling.

"I bet someone gets wrestled to the ground." Fili whispered to Kili.

Nori's eyes lit up. "There's an idea."

"Nori, if you even _think _of doing that, I'll climb up a tree." Bilbo threatened.

"If you can run fast enough." Nori's grin was positively wolf-like.

"That's enough." Thorin's voice sounded strained as though he was holding laughter back, though amusement barely showed in his face. "Give Master Ri his clothing back, Master Baggins."

"What if he _wants _to see Nori in his underwear?" Bofur asked, smiling all-too mischievously.

Thorin glowered at him. "I very much doubt he does."

"Though you could hardly be blamed if you did." Nori winked at Bilbo. "You got lucky there, little Halfling."

He had, but now that he'd gotten Nori, he felt happier. Now all he had to do was try and work up enough courage to steal from Dwalin.

* * *

><p><strong>My headcanon is that Nori calls anyone who he cares for that is younger than he is 'little (insert word here)'. I don't even know why, but I like it, because it's kinda sweet to imagine him calling Ori 'little Dwarfling' or a name to that effect.<strong>

**Hope it was enjoyed! Would you like a shot to be done with Dwalin?**

**Love from Shania. xx**


	3. Dwalin

It was a lovely day. Birds were chirping merrily, the sky was a gorgeous blue and Nori watched the foaming, clear river as it roared past. Breathing in the smoke from his pipe, he watched the shisping smoke disappear before wondering where Bilbo had gotten himself off to now. His thoughts were soon answered at an irate call.

"NORI!"

Nori sighed heavily as Dwalin stormed over, holding Bilbo's arm in a gentle but firm grip. Catching Bilbo as he was unceremoniously shoved his way, Nori looked, as innocently as he was able, up at Dwalin.

"What happened this time?"

"This time," Dwalin growled, "your little apprentice, here snuck up when I was sleeping.."

Nori tutted at Bilbo. "By Mahal, boy..."

"Then," Dwalin went on, "he succeeded in grabbing my comb."

Nori grinned triumphantly.

"..And wouldn't give it back."

Nori sighed again. "Whatever did you do that for?"

"I thought I could escape him."

"And?"

"Well, I miscalculated his agility."

"And you know better than to sneak up on him when he's sleeping," Nori chided, lightly tugging a curl. "No more of that, you little sod."

* * *

><p>Despite Dwalin's plentiful growling about Bilbo's attempts at thievery, he never held it against the Hobbit, swinging an arm around small shoulders at the end of the day even when he'd been quite annoyed earlier on. Nori watched through lidded eyes as Dwalin released Bilbo, ruffling his curls before stamping his way to the large clumps of straw they all slept in.<p>

He sighed heavily. The poor little bugger was trying his very best, but Dwalin was notoriously hard to steal from. Still, Bilbo kept his efforts up, even if he did get caught and hauled back to his teacher.

Bilbo made his way to Nori, sitting by his side. "Nori?"

"Mmm?"

"I have difficulty with Dwalin."

"Who doesn't?" Nori joked.

"Don't! It's not funny. How do I do it?"

"I'm buggered if I know. I only managed it once."

Bilbo gaped. "How?"

"That's for me to know. Not you."

"You were hard to steal from too."

"Of course," Nori preened. "Now, don't lose hope yet. There's still time."

* * *

><p>The next day saw Dwalin, leading Bilbo to Nori, a grim look on his face and a towel around his waist. Nori groaned aloud.<p>

"Please tell me he didn't sneak up on you when you were in the bath."

"Oh, I'd like to!" Dwalin muttered. "By Mahal! You've really created a monster here, Nori."

"Stop trying to compliment me at a time like this!" Nori snapped. He rubbed at his forehead, sighing audibly. "Ohh, Bilbo..."

"I didn't know what else to do."

"For Mahal's sake!" Nori declared. "You _don't do it_ in front of him. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Not where he can see."

"Very good," Nori praised. "Yes. When he's away, you come out to play."

* * *

><p>Bilbo was an expert by now. He waited 'til Dwalin had gone outside to practise sparring and stepped cautiously to where Balin's coat lay. Inside it was Dwalin's comb- the same comb he'd nearly managed to liberate the other day. He took it from its hiding place, noting it seemed a little different from the other day and sped off to find Nori.<p>

"That's Balin's, little thief."

"What?"

"See?" Nori pointed to the tiny runes etched into the top right-hand corner. "That's a 'B'." he patted Bilbo's head. "Never mind."

But Bilbo did mind, looking so mournful that Balin hadn't the heart to chide him for the mischief.

* * *

><p>Dwalin was impossible! If Bilbo had a gold coin for every time he picked up Glóin's whetstone instead of Dwalin's, or Kili's pipe instead of Dwalin's, or some other Dwarf's <em>hair bead<em> instead of Dwalin's, well, he'd be a rich Hobbit!

The worst part was Dwalin knew of his struggles and smirked everytime Bilbo went miserably to return the items he'd taken from the wrong Dwarrows.

"Oh, this is impossible!" Bilbo declared one evening, glaring crossly at Nori. "I give up!"

"What?" Nori cried. "_Give up_?! Absolutely _not_! Though, it's a shame he's not Thorin, 'cause you stole his heart."

Bilbo glared at him. "Nori, please."

Nori smiled at him. "Sit yourself down, it's story-time."

Dwarves have the best ability of story-telling and Bilbo complied, eagerly watching Nori mirror his movements.

"When I was a younger Dwarf, I had a teacher. Not as good as I, but he was pretty decent in the thieving profession. He set me on Dwalin, just like I did with you, and I found it supremely hard." Nori paused. "I think I will tell you how I managed it. I'm not proud of this, but I used the bait-and-switch method. I got a young friend of mine to pretend to be hurt and while he was pre-occupied, I went and nabbed this knife he used to keep in his boot. Gods, he didn't half roar when he found out..."

"I can't believe I didn't think of that!" Bilbo murmured.

"Well, my teacher wasn't a happy fellow when I told him what I'd done."

"Why?"

"He would have preferred it if I'd used silence, speed and not involving other people in my scheme." Nori answered. "Look, it doesn't matter if you don't succeed."

"I suppose, but I'm still going to try."

Nori chuckled. "That doesn't surprise me. You're as determined as any of us!"

* * *

><p>The next day, Bilbo awoke early. He looked 'around, seeing some were still asleep and some, from the sound, were having their breakfast. Dwalin was just awakening and Nori was passing Bilbo's patch, waving tiredly at him. Dwalin outstretched his arms, making a gruesome cracking sound.<p>

Bilbo had an idea.

Dwalin was so sluggish sometimes in the morning. Perhaps, if he was fast..

Before the Dwarf knew what was happening, a small blur of white had sprung itself on his makeshift bed without so much as a 'good morning'. A few seconds of blinking revealed this shape to be their burglar who, of all the cheek, _stole his boot!_

* * *

><p>Sipping at the giant mug of milk, Nori eyed the window, gazing thoughtfully at the sky. Looked like it would rain later on if they were all unfortunate.<p>

"Nori! Nori, _look_!"

Nori stared. "Where in fresh hell did you get that boot from?!"

The answer to that question came roaring behind Bilbo, all burly arms grabbing for the stolen item.

Nori took a long gulp of milk, ignoring Dori's sigh of exasperation. Bilbo dumped the boot on Nori's lap, looking expectantly up at him, like a small, green-eyed puppy.

"Oh dear." Nori said.

"What is it?" Bilbo asked, looking crestfallen.

"You must never annoy Dwalin so early in the morning."

Bilbo paled and climbed onto the bench, deciding to do away with pride, if the fact he was clambering his way into Nori's arms was anything to go by. Dwalin stormed over, glaring frostily at Bilbo.

"Is there a problem, Dwalin?" Nori asked.

"Aye! He stands around four feet tall and is currently in your keeping."

Nori passed Dwalin back his boot.

"I won't do it anymore," Bilbo promised, satisfied that he'd finally succeeded in his attempts to steal from everyone in the Company.

Dwalin hmmphed. "So I should hope!" With that, he went to find somewhere peaceful to put his footwear back on.

"You are a little nutter!" Nori snickered. "Doing things like that."

"I'm just glad I'll never have to try and steal from him again!"

Nori grinned. "We'll see!"

* * *

><p><strong>I'm actually kinda tempted to write a fluffy fourth chapter between Nori &amp; Bilbo after Bilbo steals from Smaug...<strong>

**Hope it was enjoyed!**

**Love from Shania. xx**


	4. The Mirkwood Elves

**So, I was going to write Smaug, but then someone left a review saying about the Elves, so I thought, why not?**

* * *

><p>The Elves in Mirkwood were frightening. Tall, cold-spoken, with eyes that seemed to be able to see all, even if they couldn't see him. He followed the Elf he'd seen with the jangling keys, shivering at the icy temperature that blanketed them as they descended down the stairs, though his unknowing Elevn companion didn't seem to notice the change.<br>There was a lot of talking, along with words that made Bilbo raise an eyebrow. The Dwarves weren't happy at their predicament and made it all too clear with loud descriptions of the Elvenking as a 'haughty, spider-shagging, leaf-eating bastard!'

The Elf with the keys cleared his throat. Bilbo crept as close as he could, trying to steal the keys. Unfortunately, the Elf kept walking around, leaning toward the Dwarrows, snidely requesting them whether they wished to be free yet.

"Ah, bugger off, you tree-shagger!" Dwalin snarled.

"Seems you don't." the Elf purred, his mouth twitching. "Shame." he ran his fingers across the keys, making them jingle musically. "Best be off. My king has a new shipment of the most excellent wine..."

"Take the wine and shove it up your jacksie!" Óri suggested as the Elf wandered away.

"I would agree, but you don't _ever_ want to waste good wine." Bilbo said, removing his Ring and stepping into the light.

"Bilbo!"

"You're alive!"

"Come here, quick before he comes back!" Óin requested. "Are you hurting anywhere?"

As the healer pushed back his curls to examine his scalp, Bilbo glanced around at them all, frowning once he saw Fíli and Kíli were apart. "Why aren't they together?"

"Less said about that, the better." Balin told him.

"You're fine," Óin told him, lightly patting his shoulder. "How did you get in here?"

"I was quick," Bilbo answered. "But he is _too_ quick, I cannot get his keys."

He looked around, searching for the familiar hair of Nori. Seeing a flash of silver in what he'd thought to be an empty cell, he went over.

"Bilbo, that you?"

"Yes. Why are you so far in?"

"Don't want to see their horrible faces."

Bilbo snorted. "How do I get his keys?"

Nori deigned to come closer to the twisted bars. "It's simple. Follow him 'round until he puts the keys down." he reached through the door and squeezed his hand. "You can do this. It's _no_ harder than stealing from Dwalin was."

"That _was _ hard!"

"And you did it."

Bilbo nodded. "Yes."

He turned, only for a chorus of curious voices to stop him in his tracks.

"You can't be thinking of going!" Thorin said. "You'll keel over. Stay here with us, they'll shut up so you can sleep."

"But-"

"Go and sit opposite where Bombur is by his door. He's plenty padded, so you won't be uncomfortable." Nori suggested.

Bombur could be heard chuckling. "That's a cruel thing to say!"

The Dwarf really was quite comfortable. All the excitement of the day wore off leaving tiredness in its stead and Bilbo slept for a few hours until Bombur gently shook him awake, quietly warning him that guards could be heard.

* * *

><p>Days passed and Bilbo began to despair. One night, he made his way to the dungeons, going when he knew the others would be sleeping, but hoping to talk to Nori.<p>

"You alright, lad?" Nori whispered.

"Nori, I'm _trying_, but he has them _all_ the time. I even followed him to the _baths_ and he would've seen me looking through his robes, so I couldn't and-"

"Hey, shh! Come on." Nori tried to find Bilbo's shoulders with his hands. "Don't panic," he said softly. "I know it's difficult, but it's not _your_ fault that Elves are such sneaky bastards. It's alright. Just keep trying."

"I'm letting you all down by taking so long." Bilbo murmured.

Nori swatted his arm. "Don't be an idiot! You're doing really well."

"What about Durin's Day?"

"Listen here and listen well," Nori said. "You're doing what you can for us and whether we are freed before or after Durin's Day, we will still be grateful to you because you're doing all you can. Enough of the worrying, enough of feeling useless."

Bilbo moved closer to the door, trying to find Nori's arms, feeling the cold metal dig into his skin. Nori awkwardly wrapped his arms around him as best he could. "Thank you, Nori."

"Ah, it's alright." Nori was quiet for a moment. "Bilbo?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you _really _ follow him to the baths?"

* * *

><p><em>"Say what you will about our ill-tempered king, he has the most excellent taste in wine."<em>

Bilbo watched, heart pounding as the Elf placed his keys on a hook and went to join three others in an impromptu wine-tasting session. He tried to stand on the tips of his hairy toes in order to reach the keys, flicking at them until they jangled- not that the Elves noticed.  
>Without warning, they fell. Hastily catching them in his small hands, he gazed anxiously towards the drinking Elvenfolk, stowing the keys in his coat for later.<p>

Nori had been right. He _could_ do it.


End file.
